Indeed, there are these bad days.
I have a foreboding from the night before.. I feel the storm approaching.
I entered home late at night after a 30 hour trip.
I woke up at dawn from a bad dream. The time was 5:26 (this very moment I thought that in Greece it was already 7:30).
I jumped out of bed.
My long t-shirt was glued to my body.
I knew this would be a difficult day.
I wore my leggings and I went out onto the street. The day was dull and rainy.
Everything was going against me.
I went to the gym, a great weapon to exorcise evil.
Ι came back home. I started preparing some coffee. The smell of the filter coffee pierced my nose.
I took a bath as if I wanted to remove the skin from my body. And when the brush passed into my hair, I looked in the mirror.
One more goodbye.
One more trip.
One more “take care” uttered
The land line started ringing.
It was mommy … Who else could it possibly be?
I avoided talking to her much. Her antennas are always so tuned and she can decode my mood, she can understand everything just from my tone of my voice, from a simple “good morning”.
I turned on the music. The voice of Piazzolla. Vuelvo Al Sur (Returning to the South).
I am returning to the South, the way love always comes back,
I carry the South, like a destiny of the heart.
I am the South. I dream the South, intense moon, heaven on earth,
I am searching for the South, the open time.
Its good people, its dignity,
I carry the South.” I carry Greece in me.
I pumped up the volume.
How many times can a heart be broken into a thousand pieces and how many times can you stick the pieces back together? Can an UHU glue stick heal a wounded heart?
Let’s not kid ourselves.
Yes, there are these bad days. These difficult and unbearable ones.
These days when you have said goodbye to your loved ones when your body does not obey, when everyone around you greets you with a sadness, when your dog lowers his tail, these days when the work that must be done is piling up.These days when you don’t know where to place your heart, when you don’t feel comfortable in your own skin. These days when you don’t know how to console your inner voice.
These difficult days when you hear the voice of your beloved ones echoing in the house even though they are far away. These damn days when nothing makes any sense.
In an era where happiness is measured in smiles, emoticons and “likes” on social media site. With fake friends, false eyelashes, fake hair and nails, plastic breasts and … deformed lips.
In a time when the fake outnumbers the real; when everyone is competing to prove who is the happiest, when the filters camouflage scratches and wounds, how acceptable is it not to feel well one day?
Not at all, when you know that everything you have in life is real.
The negative is exorcised only when you admit it. Only then will you fight it and emerge victorious.
And I had already won the first battles.
Your gym, your coffee, your books. Your favourite music. Your favourite clothes. Your dearest people.
When the world out there becomes harsher and wilder, seek refuge in everything you love. It always works.
And so I did exactly that. I put on my favourite jeans and my favourite shirt; with which I know I can conquer the world.
I put my hair up in a pony tail.
I also put a splash of colour on my lips. And I started writing. A white word file that gets filled with words and thoughts. That always helps. I started to think about the script for the new project.
I smiled timidly.
I bought my favourite coffee from my favourite store.
Florian, the sweet old guy who always takes my order, smiled at me:
“Looking good, girl!”
I wanted to tell him that the way I looked had nothing to do with how I felt.
But I restrained myself and replied “You too” instead.
And it was my first real smile of the day.
And that was the first victory.
A cute young boy in the street in a stroller waved his palm and greeted me and I smiled back.
I went into the office, I opened the computer. I thought about everyone I love.
I thought about the Monday Press Day of Safe Water Sports. I reviewed all the videos for some final corrections. I felt an unmistakable momentary happiness. I was already better.
Our people, our values, our ideals and our principles are our compass. I turn to them when I become disoriented. Where else?
When the earth recedes beneath my feet.
When my heart is out of tune.
When nothing works.
Go back to them. It’s the only solid ground.
We are our people. The people we have chosen and who have settled in our heart.
I called my mom back.
I only retained her “I love you” and her “I am so proud of you”.
PS. I whispered back but I am not sure if she heard it: “And I return soon. Much sooner than you expect. And without leaving.”
And the torrential rain that refuses to stop, at some point will recede and the sun will appear. The day is already better…
With love,
Ε
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